Tuesday, 25 August 2009

• [An adult]

  It's been an exceedingly long time since I've written a "real weblog," and that kinda makes me sad. I also realize that Xanga is in a decline, which also makes me sad. Luckily, my life outside of the internet is pretty wonderful at the moment, so I'm not too depressed. Although I do miss my Xangan friends. Honestly, I do.

  So much has happened since I last blogged. Rather than blab on and on about the boring details, I shall just give a quick rundown of what has happened in my life... As I mentioned in a pulse a while back, I went to Panama (on a missions trip) quite unexpectedly and VERY last minute. After spending two weeks on a mission trip, I returned, had one week of school left, and then graduated from the 1 year program at my college. I now have a "certificate" in Biblical Studies and Cultural Studies. What does that mean? Not much. Currently, I am back home, and attempting to find a job and a car. Neither task is very easy, as you probably imagine. But, life is good and I am so glad to be back; I missed this place. I am also trying to decide where to go from here. I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with my life, and my little certificate doesn't really count for much. I'm toying with the idea of doing more school, but I am reluctant because I don't really know what I want to major in. We'll see.

  But, I'm not here to talk about the petty details of my life. I clicked on that "add new weblog entry" link for a specific reason. Something has been on my mind since I got back from Panama. Something in me that has changed. And I suppose I want to put it down into words, to both share it with you, and for my own sake.

  I finally feel like an adult. Maybe that's a ridiculous statement for a 19 year old girl without a degree, job, car, or home of her own. But it's the truth.

  When I was in Panama, I was privileged to be a part of the leadership team for my trip. Normally, my role is taken on by someone who is at least 21 (but on all the trip I've been on, they've been much older), but I was given a special exception because they were in desperate need of a leader. I was the "country assistant" (or CA, as it was often shortened to). Basically, I took care of all the logistics and behind the scenes kinda stuff. Sounds like a little task, but believe me, it was hard work. Being responsible for 26 people in a foreign county is not a small task.

  Honestly, when I went, I expected to be treated like a 19 year old by the rest of the leadership. I assumed they would treat me as a younger, less experienced, unwise, little girl. The rest of the team was at least 5 years older than I, most of them quite a few more years. I felt young and unprepared. As I prepared to meet the leadership team, feelings of intimidation washed over me. But I was so wrong.

  The other leaders immediately accepted me as a peer. They involved me in all their decision making, they gave me BIG responsibilities, and they trusted me completely. I was so used to be treated like a little girl, being treated like a grown woman was slightly shocking at first. On top of that, the missionaries on the trip (they were all between the age 13 and 18) treated me as an adult as well. They didn't look at me like a young girl nearly their age, they looked up to me as their leader. They came to me when they had problems, they asked advice. It was so odd, but so awesome!

  Before Panama, I had a fear and a hate of the idea of growing up. I didn't want to grow older and be responsible. I didn't think I could handle the things that come with being a "grown up." But then I was treated as an adult and given responsibility. And now I KNOW I can do it. I know I can handle the "real world" and "real life" and responsibilities. And you know what? It's an amazing feeling. I'm not a little girl, I am a woman. And I'm ready to face the world. I may not know where I'm going, but I do know that I can handle it.

  Pieces_of_a_Melody   

   

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