"I hate the part at the end of weddings where the groom whisks the bride away to happily ever after, and you're left behind still blowing bubbles."
- Tess

My roommate got married today. I was supposed to be the maid of honor, but I respectfully declined for various reasons, which I shall not get into right now. I did not attend the wedding, as it was several hundred miles from here and I lacked the funds to do so. 

Weddings might just be the happiest, yet most heartbreaking events on planet earth. While my I can't help but be happy for the union of two people who clearly love each other (even though I sometimes think they are foolish, because they aren't quite mature enough), my heart also sinks as I watch the newlywed couple, wondering when I'm going to get my happy ending.

I do realize that I'm quite young, but so are many of my friends who have recently been married or are about to do so. I would not wish to be married any time in the near future, but I would simply like to know my life is eventually headed in that directly. And quite frankly, currently, it's not. 

My dear friend, Tess, summed it up today (as you read in the quote above). Our hearts fill with joy as we watch the bride and groom at the ceremony; we can't help but smile at the two people who are absolutely beaming with love for one another. We celebrate with them at their reception, having fun and sharing in their joy. But at the end of the day... many of us who are still single find ourselves feeling melancholy as we are left behind, while the happy couple drives off into the sunset.

I wonder when I'll get my happily ever after... if ever.

Pieces_of_a_Melody

It's been an exceedingly long time since I've written a "real weblog," and that kinda makes me sad. I also realize that Xanga is in a decline, which also makes me sad. Luckily, my life outside of the internet is pretty wonderful at the moment, so I'm not too depressed. Although I do miss my Xangan friends. Honestly, I do.

So much has happened since I last blogged. Rather than blab on and on about the boring details, I shall just give a quick rundown of what has happened in my life... As I mentioned in a pulse a while back, I went to Panama (on a missions trip) quite unexpectedly and VERY last minute. After spending two weeks on a mission trip, I returned, had one week of school left, and then graduated from the 1 year program at my college. I now have a "certificate" in Biblical Studies and Cultural Studies. What does that mean? Not much. Currently, I am back home, and attempting to find a job and a car. Neither task is very easy, as you probably imagine. But, life is good and I am so glad to be back; I missed this place. I am also trying to decide where to go from here. I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with my life, and my little certificate doesn't really count for much. I'm toying with the idea of doing more school, but I am reluctant because I don't really know what I want to major in. We'll see.

But, I'm not here to talk about the petty details of my life. I clicked on that "add new weblog entry" link for a specific reason. Something has been on my mind since I got back from Panama. Something in me that has changed. And I suppose I want to put it down into words, to both share it with you, and for my own sake.

I finally feel like an adult. Maybe that's a ridiculous statement for a 19 year old girl without a degree, job, car, or home of her own. But it's the truth.

When I was in Panama, I was privileged to be a part of the leadership team for my trip. Normally, my role is taken on by someone who is at least 21 (but on all the trip I've been on, they've been much older), but I was given a special exception because they were in desperate need of a leader. I was the "country assistant" (or CA, as it was often shortened to). Basically, I took care of all the logistics and behind the scenes kinda stuff. Sounds like a little task, but believe me, it was hard work. Being responsible for 26 people in a foreign county is not a small task.

Honestly, when I went, I expected to be treated like a 19 year old by the rest of the leadership. I assumed they would treat me as a younger, less experienced, unwise, little girl. The rest of the team was at least 5 years older than I, most of them quite a few more years. I felt young and unprepared. As I prepared to meet the leadership team, feelings of intimidation washed over me. But I was so wrong.

The other leaders immediately accepted me as a peer. They involved me in all their decision making, they gave me BIG responsibilities, and they trusted me completely. I was so used to be treated like a little girl, being treated like a grown woman was slightly shocking at first. On top of that, the missionaries on the trip (they were all between the age 13 and 18) treated me as an adult as well. They didn't look at me like a young girl nearly their age, they looked up to me as their leader. They came to me when they had problems, they asked advice. It was so odd, but so awesome!

Before Panama, I had a fear and a hate of the idea of growing up. I didn't want to grow older and be responsible. I didn't think I could handle the things that come with being a "grown up." But then I was treated as an adult and given responsibility. And now I KNOW I can do it. I know I can handle the "real world" and "real life" and responsibilities. And you know what? It's an amazing feeling. I'm not a little girl, I am a woman. And I'm ready to face the world. I may not know where I'm going, but I do know that I can handle it.

Pieces_of_a_Melody   

Alright, alright we_stole_the_night totally called me out. I suppose it is much easier to write down a list of things I don't like, but what about the things I do like? Maybe it's harder for me to think of things I do like because I'm a glass half empty kinda girl. But I'll try. This one is going to be harder to immediately think of, but VERY long, I suspect.

Jesus

Christians who actually act the way Jesus calls us to act.

Those silly / gross / crazy games we used to play when I was in youth group.

Sermons that are thought provoking and truthful.

My family

My best friends

JDY

Orange Fanta (from Latin America... it's the best when it's made with cane sugar)

Latinos

Speaking Spanish

Going on mission trips.

LOVE

Photography (both taking photos and viewing great photos)

Reading novels late at night.

Facebook

Xanga

Writing

Reading blogs written by people I like.

Reading controversial blogs and expressing my opinion.

Movies

Musicals

Books by Ted Dekker

Singing my heart out.

Singing on stage with my best friends.

Rock concerts

Playing my music WAY TOO LOUD.

My iPod Touch.

Texting

My Canon PowerShot S5 IS

Flickr

People who make me smile.

Laughing

People who are "down to earth."

Shirts with dinosaurs on them.

Skillet's podcasts.

Smosh

Charlie the Unicorn videos

The Vintage Jesus videos

YouTube in general.

Sunsets

Going to NH with the Young family.

Staying up all night long and doing goofy things with my BFF's.

Random facts

When people comment on my intelligence.

Graphic design

Being a mystery.

The fact that people at college think I'm anti-social... but in reality, I'm not.

Half-off appetizers at Applebee's after 9 o'clock.

Free pie day.

Cheesecake

Helping my dad make apple pie while listening to "apple pie making music."

DDR

Rockband

Video games in which you get to shoot people.

Video games in which stealth is more important than shooting people.

MMORPG's

The color red.

Wearing the color black.

Emo kids

Nerds

Band geeks

Dunkin Donuts iced French Vanilla coffee made light and sweet.

Sarcasm

Witty banter

Eavesdropping

Bandanas

Not being that typical "emotional female."

Bass players

Listening to music.

Playing piano.

Looking back at who I used to be and realizing how much I've changed.

Doodling 

Catching frogs and toads.

Lazer Tag

Wearing beautiful dresses, doing my hair, doing my make-up, and looking really good on special occasions.

The part in weddings where the dad gives his daughter away to the groom.

Movies that make me cry (there are only a few).

Watching really lame sci-fi movies with my dad.

Getting my hair cut with my mom and then going to Tim Horton's and getting Timbits and iced coffees.

Going on "adventures" with my sister.

Running across the street and cracking up laughing with my sister.

Letterboxing

Hiking

Tiger lilies

Talking about the same things over and over again with my best friend... yet never getting tired of them.

Making fun of the merchandize at the bookstore I used to work at.

Making fun of Amish romance novels.

Peppermint stick ice cream.

Postsecret

Trailmix

My mom's carmel popcorn.

Jack Bauer

Going to see ridiculous movies with the "Lame Movie Crew."

New England

UCONN Women's Basketball

"The Lady or the Tiger"

AP English courses

Getting A's

Going to Culver's with Tess and getting fried cheese curds and rootbeer.

Singing songs from musicals with Breanna in the lounge at ridiculously late hours.

Walmart

Nancy Drew computer games

The Oregon Trail

Old school educational computer games.

Talking about awkward things with Claire and Breanna on the weekends while drinking Diet Pepsi and playing Medal of Honor.

TNT Fireworks

Sweet tea

Getting on an airplane and finding out that I have the WHOLE row to myself.

Getting to the airport early and having to time to walk around for a bit, find the best place to get a meal / snack, and then going back to my gate and chillin'.

Free wi-fi

Finding random money I didn't know I had in pockets and old purses.

Those days when I feel really beautiful and confident.

Blasting my music and singing while taking really, really long showers.

Going to the beach on days when the waves are HUGE.

Slushies

Playing time management games.

That butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling.

Dell computers

Amazon.com

The fact that I can get minimal hours of sleep and still function properly.

The "like" button on Facebook.

Progressive Rummy

Phase 10

Really, really smart people.

Analyzing things

Being a really good guesser.

Going to bookstores and just looking at all the books.


Oh goodness... the list could go on for forever. Alright... what do you guys like? Do we share likes? Do you dislike my likes? Do you now hate me because this was a flippin' long list?

Pieces_of_a_Melody